Hey good video! Your commentary is pretty good!
However I've got some tips for you to make the video even better:
- First of all; try to edit out the silent parts. This really makes the video a lot more fun to watch. I don't know if you have edit software already, otherwise you can find some online. I personally use premiere pro for editing but it's a paid service, so movie maker for example is a good thing to start with.
- Put some music in the background (
@Fexiny said this already). I'd suggest you to not use NCS songs, as it's pretty cringy tbh. A better royalty free music channel is Bass Rebels, I could really recommend you this channel!
- Maybe talk a bit louder. I know this is really hard at the beginning, but you have to sound more enthousiastic. Your commentary already isn't bad but try to sound even more confident! For instance, when you died in Rainbow you were silent. If you said like: "oooh noo!! He killed me!!" that would be more enjoyable to watch.
I hope this feedback helps you! Good luck with your channel!