This is a tricky question for me. On one hand, my family is in a much better financial situation and lives in a nicer area than what I grew up in. We moved from Ohio when I was in second grade after my dad got fired from his job (he broke his leg and couldn’t work) and I have no idea where I would be right now if that didn’t happen. For all I know, the other life I could have lived could have been a much worse one as nothing particularly bad has happened to me in my life yet.
On the other hand, I’m slightly dissatisfied with the person who I’ve become and the way my life has been as a result. (I hope that doesn’t sound too negative lol) I’ve turned out to be very reticent and don’t really have any social life, I’ve been pretty reserved since I was born but the pandemic made this so much worse for me. I never gave art, music, sports, or any other passions a genuinely effort and kind of wish I did as a child. Instead, most of my life has become focused on academics and in my free time, all I do is play video games and watch YouTube mostly. The academics part has severely limited what free time I have and is the by far biggest source of anxiety in my life. I swear, good grades is a real addiction and I definitely have it. I feel like I’ve wasted the chance to have fun through my middle school and high school years and sometimes wonder if all the time I dedicate to school is really going to pay off.
I wonder what my life would be like now if things had turned out differently or if I was simply born a different person. I think I would probably be happier than I am right now, not as anxious at least, but worse as a person, likely with less ambitions or responsible decisions. I currently believe that the future I intend to pursue will be fulfilling and I hope I can look back happy that I spent this time working hard instead of seeking simple pleasure. As alluring as it would be, I wouldn’t turn back time, I think that what I am living in right now is too special to me to give up and value my current philosophy and morals too much.
Thank you for asking this question as it’s made me think a lot about how my life has taken me and where it will go. I’m sorry if I may have taken this question a little too seriously but I’m happy that I made up these thoughts about it. If you made it through all this text, have a nice day!