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Apples
ORIGINAL. A very average fruit. They're crunchy, juicy, bountiful and delicious. There are also hundreds of varieties of these tasty things! I rate apples a 7.5/10
Oranges
MEDIOCRE CHORE. Oranges are okay. They make your lips sore if you eat too many, and they can be really difficult to peel. I prefer the juiced variety, but they're still good if you find the right kind. 5.5/10
Bananas
NICE! Bananas are really easy to peel, cheap (bunch of 5 for 80p at your local Tesco!), delicious and healthy. They boost your metabolism and are a source of potassium, which makes them A-Okay in my books! 8/10
Watermelon
YUM! Watermelon is without a doubt, the juiciest of fruits. Your face will be a bit sticky afterwards, but who cares when it tastes so good and is the size of a bowling ball? Seeds are kinda annoying, but they're actually good for you so you may as well get used to them. 9/10
Honeydew
UNDERRATED! Honeydew is like watermelon, but as the name implies, is a little bit sweeter. I personally think it gives them a bit more flavour, but they tend to be smaller and a lot stickier. Plus, the seeds look gross. 8.5/10
Mango
PRAISE IT! The holy grail of fruits, this thing couldn't be any tastier. Imagine being a mango in a world-famous fruit salad... you'd be able to brag about how you alone are the very reason the salad is as popular as it is. They're very difficult to peel from my experience (I tend to dissect them/slash them to a
Grapes
NOMNOMNOM! I prefer red grapes because they're the juiciest and basically explode when eaten frozen. It's like your mouth is being bombed with flavour. Green ones are kinda sour and I don't tend to buy them, and black ones are boring. Rating red ones alone, I'd give them a very generous 8/10.
Apricots
GRIM! They're sweeter than a shot of honey spiked with sugar. Plus, their cores contain cyanide. Eat only if you want to die/never wake up/cease to be/meet Hades himself/annoy the people you owe money to. Zero out of ten...million.
Strawberries
NOT OVERRATED. Low in sugar (relative to other fruits and in general), yet sweet nonetheless. Kinda expensive in my opinion, but their divine taste and ease of consumption secures them a very kind 9.5/10.
Note: Today I ate strawberries for the first time in around two years or so, so some traces of bias may exist in this review.
Limes
LEMONS BUT WORSE. Talk about disgusting. I mean, lemons are sour, but at least they taste good. Limes are like decomposed lemons, except the flavour has declined but the sourness has stayed the same. I can't really explain the taste, it's just all wrong. Limes don't even make good juice, nor good sweets. Useless fruit, 2/10
Papayas
IDK... YET. Trying papayas next week. I've had them in many smoothies and they've never tasted bad... 0/0... for now.
Blueberries
MEH... Sure, they're good for you and have very few calories, which makes them good for snacking on. But, £3 for a pot of blue particles? There are better options available. Also, I find them to be really inconsistent. Some are deliciously sweet, others are atrociously sour. It's like those any-flavoured beans from Harry Potter; you never know what you're gonna get! 4/10.
Peaches
OKAY. Peaches are like apples without both the crunch and taste; the two best parts of the apple. The texture is pleasant at least, but they're quite costly for what you get :/ 5.5/10
Pears
STUPID. Dumb fruit that's trying way too hard to be an apple, and doesn't need to exist. Mushy texture and stupid taste, 3/10.
Pineapples
CORROSIVE. Yeah... I find that pineapple tends to make my lips really sore and my gums ache with anguish. Though, the taste really is unique, no other fruit comes close in comparison. They're really hard to cut though, and if one falls on your head, they have a 100% mortality rate. Also, I don't know why, but I don't like the texture. 6/10.
Kiwis
DIVINE. A kiwi every morning is guaranteed to bring happiness eventually. They're really fun to peel and scoop out, though you can alternatively just bite into the poor thing skin-and-all if you can stand the texture. They're super soft and have an exotic taste. 8.5/10
Cherries
OKAY. They're fine I guess... They're pretty sweet, but they're not very big, kinda pricey, and the pits are poisonous. Avoid if you can; 5/10
Lemons
SOUR. These used to be my favourite fruit... I was a weird child. They're sour, but if you blend them or are tough enough to eat them raw, they're pretty good. Just don't eat them in front of somebody, or they'll think you're about to vomit on them when your face inevitably contracts. 5/10
Coconuts
GOOD. The texture is kinda dry and they're a choking hazard, but they're pretty good if you ask me. That's all folks, they're just good. 7/10
Avocados
WATER? IS THAT YOU? Avocados don't really have a taste, and kinda feel like water if water were a sponge. They're very cool though, go great on a lot of stuff, and are apparently quite healthy. 6/10, but they take some time to get used to.
Tomatoes
THE SWISS ARMY KNIFE OF FRUITS. Man, these things go with everything! Rice cakes? Check! A cheese and cucumber sandwich? Check! My shopping basket? Check! They're very inexpensive and, so long as you don't cook them, are very tasty. Funny story, I once made a kid tell on me in school because I bit into a tomato and it sprayed all over him. He had it coming though, he wasn't very nice to people. Anyways, 8/10
Proof that they're a fruit, courtesy of the Google and to avoid the otherwise guaranteed comment war and eventual lock of the thread:
Conclusion:
Top tier:
Mango (11/10)
High tier:
Strawberry (9.5/10)
Watermelon (9/10)
Honeydew (8.5/10)
Kiwi (8.5/10)
Banana (8/10)
Grapes (8/10)
Apple (7.5/10)
Mid tier:
Coconut (7/10)
Pineapple (6/10)
Avocado (6/10)
Peach (5.5/10)
Orange: (5.5/10)
Low tier:
Lemon (5/10)
Cherry (5/10)
Blueberry (4/10)
Pear (3/10)
Lime (2/10)
Bottom tier:
Apricot (0/10,000,000)
Awaiting placement:
Papaya (-/10)
Raspberry (-/10)
Plum (-/10)
Thank you. To those who read the whole thing, congratulations on being almost as stupid as me. Have a good day/night, everybody! o/
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